She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
