Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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