What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
