4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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