if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
