I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
