Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
