hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
