Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have aggressive nipples.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
