eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
