and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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