Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
