I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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