At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
