Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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