So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
