He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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