Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
