Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
