this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
