Don't make out with my wife yet
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
