Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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