Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
