he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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