I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
