So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
