im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
