Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
