She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My feet surprised me
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