Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
