Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do vagina's smell?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
