I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
