Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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