Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
