I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
