Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
