I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
