its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
