I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
