so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
