There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
