nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The power of my boobs compel you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
