I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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