yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
