I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
