JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
