I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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