someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
