Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so let's talk penis.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
