he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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