Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
4 words: hood of his car
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
