dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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