She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
