someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
