How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
