I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
