whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
