Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
