So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
